We Showed Up
That was enough
Khalil and I traveled to Detroit for his grandmother’s homegoing service. It had been years since I had seen his father. The distance became normal. This wasn’t the time to fix anything between us. He had lost his mother. Khalil had lost his grandmother. I had lost a friend. When we saw each other, we spoke briefly. A simple hello. I didn’t have anything more to give. There wasn’t anything to fix, and I was at peace with that.
On the flight, I thought about something I once heard during a church service. In moments like this, being there is enough. I decided before we even landed that I would not force conversation or try to say more than what was necessary. I would show up and let that be enough.
That decision stayed with me as I began reconnecting with Khalil’s aunts and their friends. I knew some of their friends’ names before I ever met them. I politely introduced myself.
One of them greeted me as we had already met. She asked about Phoenix and mentioned her family there. A quick exchange, and I knew I had been part of their conversations long before I arrived. We talked, kept simple, and on the surface. There were things I could have said, but none of it felt necessary. I stayed present and respectful.
Inside the service, the full weight of family and friends showed up. All ten grandsons and two granddaughters stretched across two rows. Khalil moved easily between his brother and cousins, and I could see what that connection meant to him. Being with family is what was needed.
At the repast, I met Khalil’s father’s fiancée. She was kind, thoughtful, and soft-spoken. We connected right away. I had already heard good things about her and that she raises chickens as a hobby, but I let her share it in her own way. When she did, I smiled to myself. She spoke with joy about caring for them, giving away eggs, and about the vegetables in her garden.
Talking with her gave me a glimpse into who he is now, a quieter, more settled life. People change. You see it clearly through who they stand next to.
That realization brought me back to him.
We have had years of minimal contact, first centered around Khalil and then reduced to occasional messages. Sitting there, I understood nothing needed to be revisited. The past was settled.
So I kept it simple.
Later that evening, I was sitting in the family room with the soon-to-be Mr. & Mrs., watching the Michigan vs Tennessee game. He thanked me for coming. I smiled. I apologized for not having anything to say. It’s rare for me to be at a loss for words.
Before leaving, I asked his fiancée if it would be alright for me to reach out to her from time to time to check on him. She welcomed it without hesitation.
That morning, Khalil and I had breakfast at Anita’s Kitchen. Over a cup of Lentil soup, Khalil told me he was happy that we connected.
That mattered.